A Twist of Things to Come

You heard me. What? It's not the day you wash your dog? But, it's Thursday!!

Seriously, our dog gets a bath every Thursday, plus medicine morning and evening, because she has mange. Luckily, it's not the sort that can infect people, and we caught it very early. She is a very bushy dog, so you can't even see the one hot spot with missing hair (about silver dollar sized), but she was losing the hair on one eyelid, which is how we caught it.

She submits well enough to bathing, but we muzzle her for it to be safe. (Her name IS "Bitey" remember?) Turns out that was a good thing, too. When I was trying to dry her off (it ain't easy -- she's got a lot of hair) she tried to nip my ear. I knew she was sensitive about her neck area, but she was so good last week that I foolishly assumed she'd be fine this week, too.

See, Bitey has PTSD, and hands around her neck area are a trigger for her, which makes petting her or letting her interact with people interesting. Still, in our loving environment she has begun to relax and, for the most part, be safe and act like a reasonably un-traumatized dog. We don't know the detail sof her abuse because we took her in as a stray, but there's the neck thing, a tendency to cringe around toy or air guns, and a fear of rope. Not leads or what have you, but anything that looks like rope.

Just having her around is a risk, of course, but she has never offered to bite the kids and is super obedient and fun. Just, yanno, don't touch the neck. Plus, I'm in kind of a unique position to appreciate the value of beings with slight irregularities. ;D

***

Working through some Premiere Pro stuff. Brain has not exploded. Yet. I certainly hope to be up to speed on it soon.

***

Cleaned the kitchen. Scrubbed the stove and everything. Collected some clothes to donate. Folded laundry. Planning on making cookies later.

Generally a perky, getting stuff done sort of day. Went to lunch with my Beloved for the first time in ages (just the two of us). Ran into a friend of my Beloved's, who commented on the fact that we were holding hands and called us "lovebirds, after all these years."

*snicker* You don't know the half of it, jack!

Also, I was really pleased with my skin and make-up today. I've been moisturizing with this really thick vitamin E oil, which is a bit of a pain because my hair gets stuck in it. Generally I do it at night and sometimes a dab in the mornings. Not only is my skin no longer dry, but it's looking really fresh. The make-up thing... I often struggle with wearing eyeliner or eye make-up. I think I need a bit of definition there, but I'm never really sure how to do it because of the Asian slant/fold of my eyelids. ( I was pleased with how today's attempt turned out. )

Since I finished the novel draft last night, I think I might let it sit a few days wile I polish of the next chunk of HMOWK. So this represents the last bit of the current episode, which is clocking in at 44 pages before editing. I'm hoping it will get smaller.

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Still sickly, but I'm sure it can't last much longer, right? *headdesk*

Or in bed. *shrug* Naughty Muse. Anyway, had a bit of a brainstorm today about the nearly-completed first draft. It means I will have to re-write the first part of the climax, but it will increase the relevance of a certain character who started off as a throw-away and became so much more. That's two novels in which that has happened. I start to write in someone who has a very specific function for a brief moment in the story and he becomes fairly central to the entire remainder of the novel. In Boyhouse, it was Laniel. I'm sure I had no freaking clue how important he would be when I first wrote him, because I still have the scribbled on scrap paper draft of his first scene. Oy. In the shape-shifter novel, it's the military guy I first named Richard because I thought it was funny to have someone call him "Dick." I kept trying to write him out and he kept coming back. Now, at long last, I know why.

My brain, she is a scary place.

Anywhoo, the stats:

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I've decided to call my muse Marve. Or Marva, sometimes. I think my muse is situationally transsexual. The only thing I know for certain is that he/she usually visits when I'm naked. ;)

***

On an unrelated but still creative note, I have a new drawing in the hopper besides the other two drawings in progress I have not yet completed. I'm going to put some time in on them over the next few days and see where that goes. They are all figures and all, more or less, illustrations. Every one is a challenge, though, so this should be interesting.

***

One final note. Do Virginity Pledges Work? Not surprising, really, but still interesting. No statistically significant difference in the rates of premarital sex for pledgers and non-pledgers, but the purity crowd were significantly less likely to protect themselves from disease and unwanted pregnancy. *facepalm*

In past Christmas times I spent with my in-laws, I always missed the huge gatherings of my own kin, with our Christmas Eve traditions and my Papa dressed up as Santa to the awe of the growing masses of little ones (myself once among them, but no more). I'd miss the huge potlucks and cackling laughter of strong women with ready wit, not realizing that people would look back on the pictures of gatherings when I was absent and think that I was in fact there because my cousin's new wife looked so much like me (just another skinny girl with the same haircut and wide, straight smile).

And now nothing has changed, really. It's easier when I'm with my in-laws, because there are no more strong, cackling women and the parties died with them. Those of us who live have our own families, and no one brings us together anymore. When I'm with the in-laws thinking how lame and imperfect their holidays are, if only they knew, I can pretend that my perfect family holiday is still happening somewhere.

But, I am grateful that I had them while they lasted, and I know this flu or whatever that has laid us low will pass, and maybe next year we'll get it right, even as bare as my side of the family tree has become.

It's all good. My eldest was most excited about a stocking stuffed with new underpants, then they got those Nerf machine guns, and OMG. And my three year old niece demanded I sit beside her at the feast, because she decided I was beautiful.

Now I have my nice, warm socks. Though the highs have been in the 60s, I know I'll need them eventually. I love the games and making towers out of Lego and getting to make stickers with two wee girls to whom I am "Auntie Livvy." I could pick them each up with one hand and it makes me wonder if my boys were ever that small.

Then I realize it really IS all good, and this was a great Christmas. Family is family, and life goes on. :)

***

The work goes on as well, and I am very happy with it, too.

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Almost there. Stay on target! Notes are piling up for the re-write, too, which I hadn't expected. I mean, I had thought I was going to plow through just so I could say I'd finished it, but I suspected that would be it. So, I'm pleased that character names and things are coming to me, in the walk-up-and-introduce-themselves sort of way. Maybe it's the fever, but I could go on like this.

Then tehre is this:

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Which was done on HMOWK. Much of it unexpected until a few days ago, but I'm very pleased with it. I suppose I couldn't ask for more than that. ;)

Right now, I'm sort of taking my time going through a process of recapitulation, recalling my life, more or less in detail. It may seem sort of hokey, but I'm beginning to see how vital even the worst mistakes of my life have been to the person I am today.

I'm told that George Foreman has a big framed picture of himself being knocked out at the Rumble in the Jungle, that he points to it as the best thing that ever happened to him.

I think I'm learning that lesson. How vital it has been to remember what it was like to be teased in school, now that my kids are facing some of the same things. How lucky my post-partum depression was, after all, because it showed me I could be more than just my brain chemistry, and how strong my core relationships really are.

To regret those things is to regret who I am because of it, and just can't do that.

So, basically, that's part of why I posted what I did yesterday. I have discovered that the course of my life has flowed around the constant of my closest relationship. It has been the defining characteristic of my life, and even if what blessing I have now are the only ones I will ever have, it is more than enough.

I've also been surprised by two other things that I find miraculous:

1). I was such an unrepentant, nerd girl freakshow that it is either a statistical miracle I found love... or else it just isn't that hard to find, once you relax and let stuff happen.

2). It seems miraculous to me that I have lived to be as old as I am, having been a giant, self-absorbed prat most of that time, that no one has ever punched me right in the face. 'Cause thinking back to stuff I said and did, I want to punch myself. What an idiot! Heh.

In any case, I am blessed to be loved, and to have been spared the beatings I so richly deserved. ;)

aumonae's brother was killed yesterday. Here's link to a news article on what happened:

http://www.9news.com/news/article.aspx?storyid=105184&provider=top

Those of you who are of the praying sort, please remember her in your prayers.

***

I know how odd that sounds, coming from a relatively undefined believer, such as myself. I was raised Christian. I still believe in the existence of something beyond physical reality, something we might as well call "God" or "The Divine."

As nebulous as I feel about the true nature of the Universe, though, I believe in the power of prayer, the power of meditation, the power that comes from putting focused thought and the feelings in your heart together.

So, if you can, pray for her. Pray for each other. Pray for me.

We could all use it, I think.

***

I intend to follow-up on yesterday's topic eventually, but we just dragged our Christmas stuff out of storage. I have a lot of cleaning and decorating to do, plus I've got to get out all my paper making, candle making, and ornament making stuff and get to it. :) That's always fun. :)

Also, Christmas cards! I have to do them, pronto, or they won't get done. Got a lovely one from micehell this week. Thank you, sweetie!

Today:

-My eldest entered puberty.

-I lost another pound. It must have been water weight, because I'm down 3.5 pounds since Monday. O_O

-I saw the second act of Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog and I officially love it. Everyone is linking to it, but if you haven't checked it out yet, please do so quickly. It's only going to up for free for a short time (though I believe it will be well worth the price on itunes or whatever). I find myself singing the tunes, and rooting for the poor underdog villain. Neil Patrick Harris is too cute for words, and Nathan Fillion plays a wonderful hero/jerk.

I love it so much I wish I could marry it and have its babies. Heh.

-I hope to have the next bit of HMOWK off to the betas today. I'm once again feeling the fun.

-Many on my friends list are having nightmares or strange dreams and posting about them. My Beloved even cried out in his sleep one night this week. Me, I woke up in the wee hours feeling vaguely disturbed but I have no idea what I had dreamed. I wonder if there's something in the ether that I am somehow missing out on entirely. *g*

-I've decided that I need to start meditating every day again, but the sit-still type of meditation does not work for me. I need to move or walk or something in order to empty my mind. I discovered this during my daily walks around the lake while we were camping. Perhaps I'll revisit the Tai Chi. When I last attended class they were teaching two person techniques, and the man I practiced with said I was "more forceful than most women" in the movements. (grrr) He added quickly that that was good because it meant we were more equally matched in 'energy' than he expected. *eyeroll* I think that made me uncomfortable because I was not yet ready to deal with my innate alpha-ness. I think I am now. *whip-cracking noise*

-My new comp screen is up and running, and only has one dead pixel. Yay!

Edited To Add: I've also been getting kind of gung-ho about drawing again, so maybe I'll have something to share soonish.

Well, I've had a great day. :) Thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes! Pictures and emails, calls from family and everything. Oh, and let's not forget sue_chose_this's gorgeous manip (I still have to upload it to my own photobucket account, but you can see it at Sue's journal in the mean time-- it's so gorgeous and incredibly nice of her!) and a lovely fic by micehell (which is under her special hell filter, so you'll have to friend her to read it -- she does dark stuff so well).

*chortles madly*

The hubby took me to lunch and we shared half a pitcher of margaritas. Those of you who know my alcohol tolerance have probably figured I napped for a couple hours after lunch. Heh. I cleaned out my closet, including shoes (though I still have a thrilling excess of boots). I actually have a lot of very classic separates, in various sizes. Hee! And now it all fits quite nicely into my portion of the closet.

I finished up after my nap, and now I have a lot of nice hangers to use to replace the wire things that cause misshapen shoulders in my knit tops.

Golly, that sounds boring. I feel really accomplished, though.

Also, my Beloved gave me these two east Indian styled outfits with beaded tops for my birthday. They are really nice, comfortable and kinda sexy. Sexy enough for my 39 year old self, anyhoo. ;)

Oh, and I'd also like to publicly acknowledge lauramcewan's generous gift of the Dave Mathews Band song "Recently" which she sent while I was away with a note that it reminded her of the way I talk about my Beloved. ;)

It made me consider something I hadn't given much thought. You know how, when you're young and in love, you feel like no one has any idea how you feel? It's so all-consuming and new. Then time passes and you get older and realize that nearly everybody knows how that feels, because it happens to almost everyone at least once.

Well, I've been around a long time now. I've known my husband for 20 years (though we've been married 16 years) and things are different now -- I'm not saying that our love hasn't changed. But now we are older, and still quite passionately attached, still very, very close. Closer than we ever thought possible, even in that first blush of love.

His co-workers don't get it. They ask why he's so anxious to bring his family with him overseas, because it doesn't make sense to them. They really don't understand that we genuinely suffer when we are apart.

So, here we are all these years later, and instead of feeling like no one understands how we feel, we're almost certain that most of them don't, and never will.

Life is funny like that, sometimes.