posted by
asato_muraki at 08:48am on 17/11/2010 under a big ol' bag o crazy, geekachicas, picspam, socializing
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
You've probably heard of it, even if you haven't experienced it. Fan fiction peeps call it "post-fic drop" but I've heard pro writers call it "post novel ennui" or a couple of other things.
But what it is is that thing that happens after you've accomplished a goal, finished something that was important to you, or generally taken some action that involved exposing yourself in some way, or resulted in some amazing growth or revelation on a personal level.
The first thing to happen is generally the joy of accomplishment. In fan fiction, it's getting to the end of a story and sharing it. Even if the feedback is immediate and very positive, eventually it will peter out, and then the darkness comes.
I think for pro writers it is probably different. You finish a story, send it off, wait to hear whether the place you sent it wants it, etc. The process is somewhat longer, and involves little dips. You finish the story. You're proud of it, or at least think it is pretty solid. You've been working hard on it, and it is at least as good as you are capable of making it. You send it out.
Then maybe you put it out of your mind, or you obsess about the details you may have got wrong. The process of rejection or acceptance, possibly followed by a series of even more tweaks. Then you get reviews, maybe. The point is, good or bad, when it's over you feel it.
This week I finally got my hand back in writing for GC. It wasn't my best work, but it was playful and fun. I inserted myself into it, and outed myself as a lusty heterosexual. It sounds weird to say that, but it's true. Coming from my background, there is something transgressive about admitting, or openly reveling in, one's sexuality.
I think my post-article drop had two components. The first is that I linked to it from my personal Facebook page, so that my college (Presbyterian), middle school (fringe Evangelical) friends, and former next door neighbors (young earth creationist Baptists) now all pretty much know that I make a habit of sexually objectifying men.
Just thinking about this makes me smile like a loony. It's liberating, see. But anytime you fight your way out of a mental box, you find yourself OUTSIDE that box going, "Whoa. Where is this? What do I do now?" The box may have sucked, but it was familiar.
The second reason for my post-article drop is tied to something you may have noticed - I have been posting pictures of myself different places for a week or two. (I posted a picture of myself making a rude gesture in the article.)
( Some of them are here, under the cut, to spare you. )
Now, the reason I've been putting my stupid face all over everything is that I'm trying to get used to it. I have a serious aversion to being filmed or photographed, which is fine, except I want to start making videos for GC. Since I don't have an easy stand-in, and to do the things I want to do requires a face/personality, I *have* to get over myself.
So, you're being subjected to pictures of me because I have to get over myself. It's not an ego thing, like I'm thinking I'm so hot that of course you want to see my goofy face every day.
I apologize for subjecting you to my neuroses. If it is any consolation, doing this makes me really freaking uncomfortable. It's just something I have to do, to get over my issues and accomplish what I want to accomplish. It's baby steps, see.
So, I had a major post-article mood drop yesterday, despite the fact that the hits on GC spiked and Filament linked to us and the publisher sent me a nice email. Possibly because of it. The thing is, if I'm going to accomplish what I want to accomplish with GC, I'm going to have to do it myself. To do that, I have to get over my self-image anxiety, and to do that, I'm spamming the world with my goofy mug.
Please bear with me.
But what it is is that thing that happens after you've accomplished a goal, finished something that was important to you, or generally taken some action that involved exposing yourself in some way, or resulted in some amazing growth or revelation on a personal level.
The first thing to happen is generally the joy of accomplishment. In fan fiction, it's getting to the end of a story and sharing it. Even if the feedback is immediate and very positive, eventually it will peter out, and then the darkness comes.
I think for pro writers it is probably different. You finish a story, send it off, wait to hear whether the place you sent it wants it, etc. The process is somewhat longer, and involves little dips. You finish the story. You're proud of it, or at least think it is pretty solid. You've been working hard on it, and it is at least as good as you are capable of making it. You send it out.
Then maybe you put it out of your mind, or you obsess about the details you may have got wrong. The process of rejection or acceptance, possibly followed by a series of even more tweaks. Then you get reviews, maybe. The point is, good or bad, when it's over you feel it.
This week I finally got my hand back in writing for GC. It wasn't my best work, but it was playful and fun. I inserted myself into it, and outed myself as a lusty heterosexual. It sounds weird to say that, but it's true. Coming from my background, there is something transgressive about admitting, or openly reveling in, one's sexuality.
I think my post-article drop had two components. The first is that I linked to it from my personal Facebook page, so that my college (Presbyterian), middle school (fringe Evangelical) friends, and former next door neighbors (young earth creationist Baptists) now all pretty much know that I make a habit of sexually objectifying men.
Just thinking about this makes me smile like a loony. It's liberating, see. But anytime you fight your way out of a mental box, you find yourself OUTSIDE that box going, "Whoa. Where is this? What do I do now?" The box may have sucked, but it was familiar.
The second reason for my post-article drop is tied to something you may have noticed - I have been posting pictures of myself different places for a week or two. (I posted a picture of myself making a rude gesture in the article.)
( Some of them are here, under the cut, to spare you. )
Now, the reason I've been putting my stupid face all over everything is that I'm trying to get used to it. I have a serious aversion to being filmed or photographed, which is fine, except I want to start making videos for GC. Since I don't have an easy stand-in, and to do the things I want to do requires a face/personality, I *have* to get over myself.
So, you're being subjected to pictures of me because I have to get over myself. It's not an ego thing, like I'm thinking I'm so hot that of course you want to see my goofy face every day.
I apologize for subjecting you to my neuroses. If it is any consolation, doing this makes me really freaking uncomfortable. It's just something I have to do, to get over my issues and accomplish what I want to accomplish. It's baby steps, see.
So, I had a major post-article mood drop yesterday, despite the fact that the hits on GC spiked and Filament linked to us and the publisher sent me a nice email. Possibly because of it. The thing is, if I'm going to accomplish what I want to accomplish with GC, I'm going to have to do it myself. To do that, I have to get over my self-image anxiety, and to do that, I'm spamming the world with my goofy mug.
Please bear with me.
There are no comments on this entry. (Reply.)